Holy Grail
by haleyusf
Summary: Holy Grail/Twilight crossover. Various pairings, lemons, some SLASH, rated M! Sir Edward seeks the Grail and more! Originally SMC Contest entry; now continued!
1. Castle Twilight

**Note: I don't own Twilight or its characters, SM does. Enjoy the smutty fluffy goodness ******

**Steamy Movie Crossover Contest**

**Name of story: Holy Grail**

**Penname: haleyusf**

**Movie or TV Show: Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail**

**Main Character Pairing: E/B**

**POV: EPOV**

**To read the rest of the entries go to the Steamy Movie Crossover Contest C2.**

**If you want to see the rules for this contest go to TheThreeSmutketeers profile page.**

**Or**

**ObessingoverEdward, Jayeliwood, or TheSpoiltOne-amanda2505 profile pages.**

**If you have any questions about the contest, contact them.**

**Contest ends February 5, 2009**

**If you'd like to see the other entries in this contest, check out the C2.**

***EPOV***

I trudged through the dark night, braving the wind and the rain, without a thought for my own comfort. I was focused on one thing and one thing only; the grail. My quest was to serve my Lord, my country and my king by procuring the grail and returning it to its rightful home in King Arthur's castle. The needs of the flesh abandoned, I braved the storm.

All of a sudden, a light illuminated the sky; a beacon shone brightly into the night, projecting a grail amongst the thunderous clouds. It must be a sign from God that the grail is situated thusly at the source of the light. Like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I knew that the grail in all its wondrous glory would be awaiting me. As I proceeded towards the source, I began to see the shadow of a tall structure. A flash of lightning revealed the shape of a large castle, and I could see the beacon originating from the top of the tallest tower.

Not knowing what I would encounter, I withdrew my mighty sword, prepared for the potential battle that lay ahead. Would I have to slaughter the masses to retrieve the grail? Would I have to fetch a shrubbery to appease nee-saying knights? Would the vicious Chicken of Bristol be anticipating my attack? Not knowing the answers to these questions and many more, I snuck towards the castle door. Sword at the ready, I banged on the door, and spoke in a most authoritative manner, "Hark, open this door in the name of the King!" Adrenaline was racing through my veins as I heard scurrying and voices behind the door, but still the door did not open.

My patience waning, I prepared to utter my command a second time. However, before the words escaped my lips, the door began to open, and I was met with a most unexpected sight. It seemed as if God was taunting me; placing the Grail in a location filled with such temptation. The figure before me was a vision in ethereal white lace, a veritable halo of blonde hair framing her delicate shoulders. A sultry smile graced her lips as she took in my weathered visage. How was I to remain focused on my quest in the presence of such beauty? How was I to maintain my virtue when the sweet scent of femininity so clearly permeated the air?

The angel grabbed my free hand – the other still clutching the hilt of my sword protectively – and pulled me inside out of the rain. "Good Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Twilight! It is a most pleasant surprise to find you at our door at such an hour. Please, do come in and allow us to make you more comfortable, Sir…" she implored.

"Edward. Sir Edward Cullen of King Arthur's Court. Fair maiden, while I do appreciate your most generous offer, I must make haste towards the sole object of my desires. The grail! It is here! Bring me to the Grail!" I felt guilty for rebuffing her kindness, but I knew that any lingering would only encourage such sinful activities as consuming lascivious libations and dancing. As luck would have it, it seemed that the masculine tenor my voice reverberating through the castle walls alerted the other occupants of the castle to my presence. No sooner had I concluded my introductions then I heard the pitter patter of girlish feet down the stairs of the adjacent tower. A flock of lovely ladies, in perfect formation arranged by height, arrived in the entry way, adorned in the same ethereal white of the angel. Long hair flowed over their shoulders, skimming the tops of their bosoms, gowns of lace flounced around their knees, and wide eyes and luscious lips awaited my next move.

The angel spoke, "Ooh… King Arthur's Court! Sir Edward, my name is Madame Rosalie, and these are my sisters, all between the ages of 16 and 19. We are alone here in this castle, and it is so very dreary! We would do anything to convince you to stay, and I do mean anything, Sir. Please, put down your sword lest ye poke an eye out, lay down your armor, and remove your wet clothing so that you do not catch cold. Our doctors can tend to the cut on your leg." I had to admit, he offer was sounding more and more intriguing by the minute, and the cut on my leg (sustained from a run in with a renegade rose bush) was beginning to smart. However, as I briefly reminisced over my journey, I was reminded of my purpose; the Grail! I must not lose sight of my quest!

"Madame, I must insist that you bring me to the Grail. It resides here; I know it to be true! If you do not show me where it is right now, I shall be made to take it by force." I could have sworn I heard a collective sigh at my dominant words, but I must have been mistaken.

Madame Rosalie seemed deep in thought as she pondered my request, and then her face lit up with realization. "Aah… Bella!" And with those three syllables, she once again grabbed my hand and began to pull me up the stairs. Not know what a Bella was or why it was important, I could only assume that I was being taken to the Grail and followed her obediently. At the top of the stairway, we approached a dimly lit room, and I was thrust inside.

"Madame Rosalie, where is the Grail? I do not see it in this room? Why have you not brought it to me?"

"Well," she stated timidly, "I have just realized that our beacon is grail shaped. We are so lonely most of the time that we sometimes use the beacon to attract nearby travelers to provide us with some company. Bella must have lit the beacon, although she knows better than to do so without permission. Bella!!! Get in here right this minute!" she hollered. A young girl hiding beneath a curtain of brunette tresses came forward, her shoulders hunched over and her face towards the floor. Her delicate frame shook in trepidation; it seemed that Rosalie's wrath was not something one wished to encounter.

"Sir Edward, this is my sister Bella. It seems that she is responsible for your mistaken belief regarding the grail's location. I am so sorry on her behalf for the trouble it has caused you; what would you have me do to her?" Rosalie inquired.

"Wh-wh-what? No G-grail?" I sputtered. I could not believe that after all this, that the elusive Grail would remain an enigma! That little wench before me had deliberately misled me into believing that the grail was here, and all for what? A little male company? Well, she was going to get it alright. While our God might be a forgiving and merciful God, there was nothing to say that one should not atone for sins committed. "What is the usual punishment then for such an offense?"

A decidedly evil smirk flashed across Rosalie's face, and she replied in a husky voice, "Spanking."

"Spanking?" I squeaked.

"Yes, spanking. She must be spanked for her transgressions! And after she is thoroughly spanked, you may do with her as you see fit. And then, since I was the one who bought the beacon in the first place, I should be punished as well. And the rest of my sister's condone the beacon's use on a regular basis and therefore are also culpable. You should spank us all!" Rosalie was panting by the end of her rant. Yes, I would have to spank them all. Spank them all, indeed. Surely, God would understand. After all, these sirens were interfering with his personal mission! I would have to put aside my own selfish ideals of virtue and morality in order to adequately inflict God's punishment on these sinners.

"Right then, I shall deal with Bella first. Everyone else out of the room; I will deal with you all later." I couldn't have them attempting to lessen her punishment, I surmised. The ladies exited the room single file, leaving Bella standing in the middle of floor still looking downward. I would have none of that; she would have to face the consequences of her actions head on. I took my finger under her chin and lifted it so that she could meet my eyes. As I caught her gaze with my own, I felt my breath catch in my throat. If Madame Rosalie was an angel, Bella was most assuredly the goddess Aphrodite herself. Her enormous chocolate eyes were drowning me in their depth; her flawless marble skin begged to be touched; and her full, pouty lips elicited thoughts about her that were illegal in seven boroughs. I let my assessment of her features trail downwards over the gentle slope of her shoulders, past her exquisite womanly curves, towards the shadow of the apex of her thighs visible through her lacy gown. She seemed to be conducting a similar assessment of my male form and did not appear to be disappointed. I could hear her breathing, rapid and shallow as my own. Oh, she was going to get it alright.

I had yet to speak to her directly, and I could tell the silence was suffocating her. Finally, she could bear it no longer and her apologies started to spew forth. "Sir Edward, good kind Sir, I am so sorry. I did not mean for you to believe that we possessed the grail; I was merely looking for some compa-" I cut her off mid-sentence with my lips on her own. Not only was her rant an unnecessary waste of breath, but it was also going to make no difference in my mind. She needed to atone, and she needed to do it now. I was devouring her lips hungrily in both an attempt to absorb her into my body and to ensure her continued silence. Breathing heavily through my nose, I continued my assault on her mouth. Abruptly, I released her, needing to communicate to her how things were going to go.

"Bella, I am going to say this one time and one time only: Be Quiet. As a man of the Lord and a man of King Arthur's Court, I am on a quest to seek the Holy Grail, and you have single handedly misled me and halted that quest, and you shall be punished." Her whimper was barely audible, but the flush that stained her cheeks was undeniable. Time to spread that flush to her nether-cheeks. Securing my arm around her tiny waist, I hoisted her across the room and onto a bed. I deposited her so that she was on her hands and knees, facing away from me. I did not wish for her to be able to anticipate my whim. She dutifully remained silent as I drew her gown up over her creamy thighs and over her delicious derriere. She was thankfully without knickers; I could only imagine the theoretical barrier's fate had it been present. Her pale behind glowing in the moonlight entering from the window served as my own personal beacon; drawing me into her.

Unable to resist any longer, I lay my hand – calloused from years of sword-play – on her backside, gave it a little rub, and then, SMACK. It was a light spank. Enough to leave a slight sting, but I was just getting started. Bella moaned loudly with the contact and arched her back, begging for more. I obliged. THWACK. Moan. SPANK. Ugghh. POP. Mmmmmhh. Her position on the bed displayed her obvious acceptance of this form of punishment. Her feminine juices began to seep out of her core, leaving a most alluring trail down the inside of her thighs.

I longed to continue her punishment, but could stave off my hunger no longer. I bent down and devoured her sex, inhaled her aroma, and gorged myself on her sweet nectar. Her moans were reaching seismic levels as I thrust my tongue into her womanhood. I wanted to see this dangerous creature come undone at my hand, so I reached under her and quickly found purchase at her nexus of pleasure. I rubbed. She writhed. I licked. She cried. I plunged. She convulsed. I culminated my assault in a frenzied, synchronized attack on her sex; licking, sucking, invading, and she came. Lord did she cum. I was more likely to be burned at the stake for being a witch than I was to have my fingers released from her constricted love canal.

Finally, she relinquished her hold on my digits, and I righted her to face me on the bed. She grasped my face in her hands and kissed my glistening lips greedily. Her tongue entered my mouth, engaging my own in an intricate tango. Her tiny hands grazed my scalp, gripping my hair, my jaw, my neck. They trailed down, massaging my shoulders, my spine, my chest. Still silent, save for the muted mewls and sighs escaping her lips as her touch ghosted across my body, she continued south as the swallow flies for the winter. (A/N: A European swallow… not an African one; African swallows are non-migratory.) It suddenly occurred to me that while I had been so focused on Bella's "punishment", I had ignored my own body's reaction to the night's turn of events. While I was accustomed to my fellow knight standing at the ready each morning, I had never indulged in this most sordid form of dueling. Surely I would explode from the tension caused by the war raging in my pants!

Bella seemed to sense my extreme discomfort and adeptly removed my breeches from my person. She grasped me in one of her hands and guided me towards her moist heat. Unable to restrain myself any longer, I speared her with my steely cockhead, slicing through her barrier in one foul swoop. Being the glutton for punishment that she is, Bella embraced the pain with a guttural moan. Rocking my hips, I thrust into her again and again, setting a quick, steady rhythm. Before long, we were both on the precipice of epic bliss, enraptured in each other's arms, panting nonsensical obscenities into the air. One strategically timed flick of her bundle of nerves and she sailed over the edge, the vice grip on my manhood bringing me down alongside her. I unsheathed myself and collapsed next to my goddess, thankful to God and all else holy that she chose tonight to shine the beacon, for I had found my grail in the depths of her slick folds and her beautiful heart.

"Sir Edward…" she gasped, "may I speak freely now?"

"Yes…"

"I take it back. I'm not sorry; not even the slightest bit! After what just occurred, I am quite certain I am in love with you. I knew what would happen if I lit the beacon tonight…" She loves me! Wait, what? How could she have known? I decided to voice my question aloud.

"Well… one of my sisters, Alice, is a famous oracle, and she saw the result of my actions, and I allowed her vision to come to fruition." While I had always been skeptical of oracles (after a sketchy reading about a flesh-eating rabbit and some goat man named Tim) I had heard of this Alice, and now had faith in her gift.

"Bella, my love, everyone in the kingdom knows better than to bet against Alice."

Now, how best to punish her sisters…

…………………………………

Hope you all enjoy!!!! Happy reading!


	2. AN

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing! Make sure to vote for your favorites on TheThreeSmutketeers profile page!

Also, after the contest, I am planning on continuing with the smuterific parody! Chapters up on deck:

Cum, Patsy!

We demand…. a bush!

Three heads are better than one

And many more!

Lots of love!

Haley


	3. Good Sir Jasper

A/N: Yeah, I don't really know what to say about this other than I was bored... just a teaser to get you through till the next installment! Should have a new chapter this weekend!!!

So... yeah, this I guess would be a song fic chapter? As always, I don't own Twilight or Monty Python! Anywho, enjoy my lovely readers!

"_**Good**_** Sir Jasper"**

Horny hard Sir Jasper

Rode to the strip club.

Pocketful of ones he had,

Lusty Sir Jasper.

He was not at all afraid

Of the dancers' sexy sways.

Long, thick, hard, good Sir Jasper.

He was not the least bit scared

To receive a hot lap dance.

Or to go to the private room,

And fuck them all senseless.

To have his cock sucked

And his balls tea-bagged,

And his ass rimmed and fingered

Good Sir Jasper.

His nipples twisted

And his cum swallowed

And his wrists handcuffed

And his eyes blindfolded

And his mouth gagged

And his bottom spanked

And his pen-...

"That's... that's enough music for now lads, there's dirty work afoot."

Good Sir Jasper came away.

("Yes!")

Came and came away.

("God I did!")

When the strippers bared their maidenhead

With their tits pushed up and their legs wide-spread.

("Oh yes!")

Yes, Good Sir Jasper turned them out.

("I did!")

And fucked them till they shout.

Finally taking to his feet,

He beat a very quick retreat.

Horniest of them all, Sir Jasper!


	4. 18 Carrot Gold

A/N: So, this installment is a bit of a doozy. The ingredients for this special brand of lemonade include: water, lemon juice, sugar, femslash, vegetable play, salad tossing (not related to vegetables), and a sprig of mint leaves for garnish. This is an Alice/Tanya pairing; mostly 3rd person POV, but Alice's thoughts are in italics.

As always, I don't own Twilight or Monty Python! Much of the early dialogue is taken from Monty Python, but the rest of the craziness is my own!

"18 Carrot Gold"

_APOV_/3rd Person POV

_I can't believe they caught me! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I be so careless? Honestly, turning him into a newt? What possessed me? It's all Tanya's fault; telling me I should stick up for myself when they taunt me. Damn gypsy. Grrr. Now I'm to be publicly tried for my "crimes". They're the ones who have harassed me for years but do they get punished? No! One little slip on my part and I'm to be burned alive. Well, they have to prove it first! Those half-wits couldn't prove their way out of a potato sack. _

Alice continued silently fuming in her cage while she awaited her trial. She was to be brought forward when the sun was at high noon, and if found guilty, she would be burned at the stake at twilight. After all, a bon fire is prettiest against the back drop of a lovely sunset.

Mike, Eric, and Tyler came forward with a number of strange objects in their hands. They pulled her out of the cage and began adding to her form. First, a ragged cloak was draped over her shoulders. Then a false wart was added to her chin, marring her flawless skin. Finally, a long carrot was affixed to her nose, tied behind her head with thin leather strings. The knot was hidden in her ebony locks so as to hide the fact that it was unnatural. Satisfied that Alice looked sufficiently like a witch, the men hustled her onto the platform where the trial was to commence. High noon had arrived and Alice could no longer hide from her fate.

Sir Banner stood in the center of the platform. He had been appointed judge of those proceedings in which knowledge of scientific matters was required, and determining whether or not one was a witch was most assuredly scientific. Alice was positioned next to Sir Banner, and the trial began.

"Hear ye, hear ye. We gather to hear evidence against one Madame Alice Cullen, accused on this day of practicing in witchery. Who of those present wishes to testify as to such evidence?"

Tyler spoke up first, "She's a witch!!! Burn her!!!"

Sir Banner, always the pragmatic one, recognized that this was not evidence, but rather an accusation of sorts. "Yes, but how do you know she is a witch?"

"She looks like one!" he replied.

Alice protested quickly. "I'm not a witch. They dressed me up like this!" _Not all witches have to have warts and long noses. I'm a rather attractive witch if I do say so myself, although this noon-day sun is doing nothing for my porcelain skin. The only burning I plan on doing today is sun burning!_

"Is this true?" Sir Banner inquired.

"Well..." the men hesitated. "We did do a little... the cape... and the nose... and the wart. But she is a witch! Burn her!!!"

Knowing that the case was weak thus far, Mike stepped forward. "She turned me into a newt!" he declared.

_Tattle tale._

"A newt?" Sir Banner was shocked. Surely anyone who could transfigure a person into a salamander possessed magical powers of the most evil sort. But, he noticed, Mike did not look like a newt.

"Well, I got better..."

By this point in the proceedings, Alice was thoroughly bored. They continued on with the so called trial, suggesting that if she floated, then she was the same as wood, which burned as witches do, and therefore meant that she was in fact a witch. Then, thanks to the arrival and "logic" of the King, they decided that rather than throw her into the bog, _thank heavens_, that they could compare her mass to that of a duck because ducks floated on water, and that if she weighed the same as the duck, she would necessarily float, and was thusly capable of magic.

Alice was appalled when they placed her on an archaic scale, clearly weighted in favor of conviction.

_Anyone with half a brain could tell I weigh more than that silly duck! It's not even a duck; it's a goose! Sigh. I accused them of being half-wits before, but clearly we are dealing with quarter-wits or even the witless. _

Alice suddenly realized that everyone's attention was diverted to the presence of the King, and that she was no longer restrained or guarded. She silently slipped off of the scale and tip-toed out of the crowd. She threw the hood of the cloak over her head, and once she was out of sight, she ran towards the only place she knew she'd be safe. Tanya would hide her until she could find a new home.

Tanya, while a gypsy, a tramp, and a thief, was a loyal friend. She was beauty incarnate. Her long flowing blonde hair and ice blue eyes were in stark contrast to the rest of her camp who had more traditional, dark features. Despite her unique coloring, she possessed the almond shaped eyes and full, pouty mouth of her kin.

By the time Alice reached the camp, the sun had set and the moon had risen, casting a luminous glow over the tents. As Alice approached Tanya's tent, she noticed a positively alluring solitary figure moving inside. She heard delicate moans from within and wondered what Tanya could be doing that was so pleasing. Cautiously opening the flap, Alice peaked inside and was assaulted by the vision that was Tanya, in a state of complete undress. She was lounging on a bear skin pelt on the ground in front of the fire, her head thrown back with reckless abandon, her generous chest heaving with the force of her exhalation, and her delicate fingers caressing her most sacred place. Alice could see moisture glistening on Tanya's inner thighs, fingers, and sex as the fire light reflected off her body. A light sheen of sweat could also be seen, no doubt caused by her exertion. Alice unconsciously let forth a gasp, alerting Tanya to her presence.

A wicked grin spread across Tanya's face as she continued her ministrations. "I see you escaped the stake, my dear Alice. Just as I predicted!"

"Yes, I managed to get away, although they were in the process of convicting me, so I'm afraid I can't return. Now, what, pray tell, are you doing?"

"Well, Alice, my bewitching friend, I decided that in honor of your victory, a little celebration was in order. Forgive me for starting without you."

_Go figure, I manage to avoid being burned at the stake, only to end up faced with something even hotter! But can I really do this? Think... think... think... Oh God YES!!!_

Alice began disrobing, realizing that she had forgotten in her haste to remove the ridiculous additions to her wardrobe. She slid off the cloak and took off the wart. She was reaching behind her head to untie the carrot nose when Tanya stopped her. "Leave it on," the gypsy purred. "I have plans for that!" Understanding her intentions, Alice continued to undress until she was clad only in her knickers and carrot nose.

Tanya took in Alice's lithe form, the gentle swell of her breasts, and her parted raspberry lips. She used her unoccupied hand to beckon Alice forward, and Alice descended on the pelt gracefully. The witch's eyes were clouded with lust for the gypsy, and Alice crawled over Tanya's body, straddling her. Alice grabbed both of Tanya's wrists in her tiny hands and pinned them over Tanya's head. "Allow me."

Tilting her head so as to allow for the carrot, Alice laid a gentle kiss on Tanya's lips before trailing her kisses down lower. She stopped to flick her tongue over the blonde's pert, pink nipples. Drawing one at a time into her mouth, she suckled the buds, eliciting a not so ladylike moan in response. Alice raised her head, commanding with her eyes that Tanya was not to move her hands. The raven haired beauty returned to her labor of love, licking a trail down the gypsy's stomach towards her maidenhead. She used her now free hands to caress Tanya's breasts, rolling her nipples between her forefinger and thumb, gently pulling them in tandem.

As her tongue finally reached her destination, she briefly lifted the carrot, slowly licking Tanya's dripping slit. She savored the scrumptious nectar's tangy flavor. After a second swipe, Tanya was pleading, having already worked herself into a frenzy while awaiting Alice's arrival. "Alice, baby, I need more," she panted.

Never one to deny her friend's wishes, Alice slid her center finger into the moist heaven between Tanya's legs. She rubbed the digit along the blonde's front wall, reveling in the soaking flesh. Alice added a second finger, and then a third, as she continued pumping. Tanya was screaming out in pleasure, quickly approaching her release. Tanya reached her undoing when the witch simultaneously pressed on her outer bundle of nerves with her thumb and curled the submerged fingers against the gypsy's inner nexus, releasing surges of ecstasy up and down her spine.

_Now to put this carrot to use! Mother always said to eat your vegetables..._

Tanya was still basking in her post-orgasmic haze when Alice reignited her attack. She slowly slid the orange appendage into Tanya's gushing center, silently thanking the quarter-wits for strapping it on so tightly. Moving her head back and forth, she forced the carrot to slide in and out, bringing the blonde to near hysterics. "Oh... oh... oh... Alice, you sexy witch, I love it when you carrot-fuck me!"

_I bet the King would not consent to this particular brand of fornication... well, unless he could watch, that is!_

Alice dripped in her knickers at Tanya's naughty words. Wanting to bring forth more of this sinful verbiage, Alice thrust her face further between the gypsy's legs, thusly thrusting the carrot deeper.

This position caused Alice's mouth to hover over Tanya's lower opening. She tentatively flicked her tongue out in concert with the forward thrust. "Aaaargh!!! Holy Lady of the Lake have mercy!" Tanya shrieked and growled and gnashed her teeth in utter bliss. Taking this as a sign to proceed, Alice stiffened her tongue and it began entering the lower hole as the carrot entered the upper. Alice began to lose focus in the midst of Tanya's exuberant cries, so she brought one of her hands up to Tanya's lips so that she could draw Alice's fingers into her mouth. Tanya could still taste the remnants of her juices on the fingers and sucked them clean. Tanya's screams had been lessened to moans as her mouth wrapped around the fingers, licking and sucking, and Alice was able to resume her task with fervor. The rippled texture of the carrot coupled with the wet warmth of the tongue brought Tanya over the edge a second time. Her whole body throbbed and pulsed with the contraction of her sex as she moaned around Alice's fingers.

Breathing deeply, minutes or hours could have gone by as Tanya descended from her high. When she regained her mental and physical faculties, she looked up at Alice with a mischievous smirk and flipped her on her back.

"Your turn, my little Alice. You're not the only one with magic fingers!"


	5. Repressed Emotions

_A/N: Sorry it's been so long since an update. I'd lost the inspiration for a while, but hopefully more chapters will be forthcoming. Also, this one has political references which some might find taboo… they are not meant to offend, so please don't take it that way if you feel differently. Finally, this one is somewhat OOC, but you'll find both Twilight and Monty Python references, particularly towards the end, so enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Monty Python, or Ayn Rand, any characters associated therewith, or anything else really. Le sigh.**

"**Repressed Emotions"**

Sigh. Jasper took a deep cleansing breath, trying to release the tension that had been building since the start of the week. Here it was, Thursday, and the weekend was so close he could taste it.

He thanked the stars above for the millionth time that he'd given up him campus job at the café in order to focus more on his studies this semester. With only months to go before graduation, he really needed to be focusing on finishing his degree and moving on to the next step – graduate school. Most would not be as excited as he was to submit to another three years of schooling, but then again, most weren't political science and history double majors. With his thirst for knowledge and passion for books, he would be more than content to live life as a professional student. He saw more of the quiet back corner on the third floor of the library than he did his own apartment!

Enjoying the crisp January air, he continued on down the sidewalk towards the last class of the day, Political Philosophy. This was probably his favorite class to date, although he always did have a soft spot for Medieval Europe; the lore surrounding King Arthur and his brave knights was both fantastical and intriguing.

Jasper sidled over to his usual seat, four rows from the front, just right of center. The class was beginning to fill in, most of the students familiar after several semesters spent in each other's company. The history and poli sci classes tended to be neglected by non-majors, so there were few if any new students in the fray.

Dr. Cullen walked in just before class was meant to begin and gave the traditional first day of classes – hope you're in the right place – this is what's expected of you spiel, and spent the last half hour going over the midterm team project that was to be completed in place of an exam. After posting the list of assigned pairs, he dismissed the class, and the weekend began. There was definitely a plus side to his chosen majors, since Jasper wasn't required to attend Friday labs like the math and science majors were.

Jasper deigned a glance at the pairs list, noting his partner was none other than Edward Cullen, the professor's extremely reserved and nerdy son. At least he wouldn't have to worry about the work ethic issues often associated with random pairings. He made a note to catch up with Edward during the next class and headed out to the coffee shop he frequented every Thursday night.

The weekend passed in its usual lack-luster fashion, although there was the high point of the marathon of BBC historical documentaries. One in particular focused on King Arthur, although the narrating historian changed rather abruptly in the middle of the film. Jasper also managed to get through the rest of the book he'd been trudging through on the origins of democracy.

On Monday, he made sure to get to class early so he could talk with Edward a few minutes before class. The boy was perpetually early, probably not wanting to incur his father's wrath. Jasper quietly approached him, taking note of Edward's meticulous appearance. His long-sleeved polo shirt was obviously pressed was neatly tucked into a belted pair of similarly wrinkle-free khakis. His copper hair was neatly combed to the side and tucked behind each ear as he sat hunched over the desk, studying what appeared to be last week's notes. Jasper murmured a polite greeting, but despite his attempts not to startle Edward, startled – and surprisingly green – eyes darted up to meet Jasper's own blue ones.

Edward remained frozen for far longer than was appropriate for normal conversation, before finally regaining his wits and stuttering out a reply, "H-hullo." Jasper noted that Edward apparently had the same British accent as his father, but turned his focus back to the farce of a conversation currently underway. Mentally sighing, Jasper realized he was going to be doing the leading.

"Hi, I'm Jasper, and I saw last class that we're paired up together on the group project. I was wondering if we could set up a time for sometime this week to go over the project and start brainstorming."

"It's nice to meet you Jasper," Edward finally managed. "I guess you know who I am already since you came up to me." He flushed and cringed in embarrassment, for what reason Jasper did not know, although he attributed it to Edward's seeming unfamiliarity with human interaction.

"Yes, Edward, I know who you are. So, what's your schedule like? I'm free after this class and then Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, or weekends too, whichever works best for you."

Edward quickly agreed that meeting after their Poli Phi class was fine, but suggested Thursday instead. Jasper was about to decline, but figured that he could skip his meeting at a coffee shop just this once and suggested his apartment for the meeting. If they left straight from class, he might even be able to get the meeting over with in time to meet with his book club at 7pm. Edward agreed but noted that he didn't have a ride, since Jasper's apartment was off campus. "No problem, I can give you a ride after class and then drop you off when we're done," Jasper replied. He could have sworn he heard a muttered, "It's a date," but figured he was just imagining things. He was soon lost in the world of Hobbes and Hume, leaving thoughts of the project to the side.

The week flew by, and Jasper's Thursday Poli Phi class was upon him. Today, Dr. Cullen briefly went over the goals of the group project. They were to devise a social contract for the ideal society and were to explain any deviations they made from current society. Jasper laughed internally when he imagined what fun his Randian book club would have with this project. Maybe they would have some insight to add after his meeting with Edward.

As the class ended, Jasper leisurely stood and stretched, relieving the kinks earned from fitting his lanky 6'3" frame into the desks clearly meant for school children. The bottom hem of his sweater rose just a fraction of an inch above the waistline of his low slung jeans, before he relaxed and the sweater returned to its place. He looked up to find Edward standing still like a deer caught in the headlights, starting at his torso. Jasper cleared his throat to get Edward's attention, and Edward immediately averted his gaze to the ground and flushed a deep crimson. Jasper awkwardly suggested that they head out. Edward merely nodded and followed Jasper silently to the parking lot. Jasper stopped beside his motorcycle and began to put his backpack away and pulled out the spare helmet. Edward looked like he was going to protest, but Jasper assured him it was safe and that all he had to do was hold on tight. This prompted another fit of blushing on Edward's part, and Jasper couldn't help but wonder again what he had to be embarrassed about. Maybe he didn't want to be sitting that close to another guy?

"Hey, man, I don't bite or anything," Jasper joked, but this only sent Edward into a choking fit. Edward finally composed himself, looking for all the world like he was talking to himself, and put the helmet on. Jasper swung a muscular leg over the bike and encouraged Edward to do the same. Jasper started the bike and Edward tentatively put his hands on either side of Jasper's natural waistline. Jasper snorted at the shy hold, but figured he'd tighten his grip once they started off. He was right; as soon as they exited the parking lot and merged onto the main road, Edward's arms latched onto Jasper's torso as if his life depended on it. A few minutes later, they pulled into Jasper's apartment complex and Edward shakily relinquished his death grip.

"It wasn't so bad, was it?" Jasper teased, amused by Edward's responding shudder. "Don't worry, it gets better after the first time." It was getting dark, so Edward's blush was hidden. "Well, it's not getting any warmer, so let's get inside!" Jasper led him upstairs and into his apartment. Edward stood in the entry way as if he didn't know what to do next, and Jasper invited him to remove his coat and make himself comfortable.

Jasper retreated to the kitchen to get them some sodas, reflecting on his encounter with Edward so far. The boy was so skittish! If he didn't know better, he'd think that maybe Edward had a crush on him or something, not that he'd have a problem with that or anything. When it came down to it, a hole was a hole and a mouth was a mouth. But Edward? They couldn't possibly have anything in common, and the Cullen spawn had clearly never let loose a day in his life! Maybe you just had to get to know him better? With a sigh, he popped the top on the sodas and returned to the living room to find Edward sitting perfectly still, perched on the sofa, staring at his lap. Jasper offered him the drink and plopped down in his favorite arm chair. He took a sip of the refreshing beverage, and as Edward did the same, he couldn't help but notice how the tip of Edward's pink tongue darted out to catch a stray drip on his lip.

Clearing his throat in an attempt to regain focus, Jasper suggested that they start brainstorming. "Now, what I think we should do first is look at the current system of government. If we identify points that are ineffectual, this will give us a starting point for the deviations, and we'll already have the explanations out of the way."

Edward agreed and they dove into their project. Along the way, the sound of grumbling stomachs overpowered their thoughts and Jasper put a frozen pizza in the oven. They were making good ground on the project so there was no sense in stopping the progress. Edward finally seemed to be relaxing in Jasper's presence, and a hint of personality was beginning to shine through. As they finished devouring the pizza, Jasper brought up the issue of the American presidency.

Edward scoffed, "Don't you mean royalty? The presidency has become nothing more than a kingship. Fucking King of America; exploiting the workers, holding onto outdated imperialist dogma, perpetuating the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress…" Edward trailed off, realizing that he'd began to ramble. Jasper, meanwhile, began to harden.

An amused glint shone in Jasper's eyes. "I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were a democracy," he said sarcastically.

Edward either missed the sarcasm or ignored because he continued on, "You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes- -" Jasper cut him off by holding up a hand. Edward's cheeks were flushed with the passion in his speech and his breathing was getting short. Jasper wondered how he could have missed out on this version of Edward for so long. In his frustration, Edward had run his fingers through his hair, mussing up the normally organized coif into something resembling sex-hair. Jasper wondered what else could make his hair look like that.

Jasper volleyed back, "What's your solution then, smart guy?"

Edward was ready with an answer, not knowing that Jasper was merely trying to keep him riled up. "If only we could establish an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We could take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week." Jasper grew even harder. "And we could have meetings to ratify the officers' decisions." Jasper stifled a groan. "You'd only need a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs." Jasper was quickly losing his hold over his self-control. If Edward didn't wrap this up, he'd find himself with a lap full of Jasper. "Of course you'd need a two-thirds majority in the case of more - -" Jasper couldn't take it any more. He lunged out of his arm chair and tackled Edward back onto the sofa, silencing the scintillating tirade with his lips.

Edward stayed frozen for a moment under the assault, and Jasper briefly thought that perhaps he'd misread the signs, but Edward seems to get he hint and began responding. Their mouths moved together, tongues intertwining and teeth gently clacking. They nipped, licked, and sucked at each others' lips, jaws, and necks. When the need to breath became overwhelming, they broke apart gasping, foreheads pressed together. Jasper shifted so that he was no longer crushing Edward and took in his glazed expression, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips. Jasper decided he much preferred this look on Edward to his usual immaculate appearance.

Edward, in between nibbles to Jasper's earlobe, began to whisper. "It would be a true representative government. We could establish a reserve banking standard in line with the gold standard in place before Nixon." Jasper began frotting his denim covered hardness against Edward's khaki covered thigh. "Personal responsibility would be the name of the game. None of this welfare state rubbish. Real people working for real wages with a stable money supply." Jasper moved his hand to Edward's zipper, briefly looking to his eyes for permission, and returning to his task at Edward's nod. He unbuttoned the khakis and pulled them down Edward's thighs. Edward's breath hitched as Jasper quickly relieved him of his plaid boxers, but resumed his naughty whispering. "The government wouldn't be involved in business; the market would be free to follow the laws of supply and demand." Jasper began to stroke Edward's cock, using precum as a lubricant; it wasn't enough but it would do for now. His other hand found its way beneath his own waistband and began tending to his own rather desperate erection. "Private property would be protected and promoted. Individual rights would not be subject to manipulation by the government, as they are not the public's to gamble." Jasper knew he wouldn't last much longer and hoped Edward was just as close. He stared hungrily at the glistening cock and had to taste it. Sucking the head into his mouth, he relished the salty twang and the velvet texture. Edward miraculously maintained his composure enough to continue. "As Ayn Rand said, 'It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.'" With this last thought, Jasper gave a strangled cry around Edward's length, spilling over his hand in his denims. The vibrations sent Edward over the edge and Jasper had just enough left of his mental faculties to swallow every drop.

They both lay still for several minutes, panting to catch their breath. Finally, Jasper sat back up and looked toward Edward. With an amused smirk, he reflected, "That's all good and well, but it's no more likely to happen than the Lady of the Lake is to emerge from the waters bearing Excalibur, bestowing it upon a lowly community supervisor as a symbol of Divine Providence."


End file.
